Monday, November 21, 2011

Letter to My Daughter..

Dear Daughter,
      This letter has taken an extraordinary time getting itself together. I have all along known that I wanted to tell you directly of some lessons I have learned and under what conditions I have learned them. My life has been long, and believing that life loves the liver of it, I have dared to try many things, sometimes trembling, but daring, still. I have only included here events and lessons which I have found useful. I have not told how I have used the solutions, knowing that you are intelligent and creative and resourceful and you will use them as you see fit.
(Letter to My Daughter: Maya Angelou)

Your making such a bad decision! You will be another statistic! The apple has not fallen far from the tree! What were/are you thinking?! How dumb could you be! I thought you were on birth control?! WHAT ABOUT GRADUATING?!

These were all the phrases I encountered daily, my second semester during my senior year in college. Yep, that right I was pregnant 3 months before my undergraduate graduation with no job or home waiting for me after I walked down the aisle. All I had was an electrician boyfriend a few dollars in my bank account and a welfare application. Little did they know, I also had faith in God and myself and that was all I needed.
After graduation I moved in with your father, jobless. He was working hard to provide for the both of us, but things were not looking so well. No one was willing to hire me because I was pregnant and showing, regardless of my degree. We ended up moving in with his mother (your grandmother) and living with her for 6 months. Too scared to face reality and have to hear all the “I Told you So”, I distance my self from my friends and family. I wanted nothing more than to have my baby and get a job. I began to lose my faith and things got even rougher. Your grandmother was threatened with eviction due to an unhealthy relationship with her landlord which would leave us all on the street. I still had 4 more months to go in my pregnancy and was numb to my situation. As winter got closer and my due date approached things got slow for your dad as far as work. He decided being an electrician was not the best thing at the time and took a minimum wage job at radio shack. Fearful of how we would ever get out of our situation and how we would be able to care for a child I began to regain my faith in God which led me to lean back on the friends and family I had once abandoned. My sorority sisters ended up throwing me a baby shower and my friends threw me a baby shower as well. I never would have thought so many people would be willing to love and support me and my family without even knowing the full situation. We received more than enough stuff for the baby. It was through Gods grace that after I had you, that I found a good paying job and we were able to move back into a place of our own. Now today I am blesses to have such a beautiful and smart 1 year old. God has blessed you father with the career as a police officer and has allowed me to become a stay home mom while focusing on graduate school.
I have not always made the right decisions in my life and am sure I will make plenty more wrong ones, however, I know having you was one of the best decision I Have ever made regardless of how some people may feel. I love you unconditionally, wholeheartedly and without apology. I realize that having you while not being married is a sin, however I cannot re-live history, and repentance is all I can offer God, in hopes that he will accept my sincere apology.
Through out everything I have experience I have learned that you may not be able to control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.
So in closing I say to you my beautiful daughter, “Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution. Never whine. Whining lets a brute know that a victim is in the neighborhood and be certain that you do not die without having done something wonderful for humanity.( Letter to My Daughter: Maya Angelou)
Love Mommy.